Who is DeBo? (and why does he suck?)
DeBo once described himself as a “spiritual vandal.” No one asked him to. He just said it while microwaving someone else’s vegan leftovers. He rejects most institutions — except the DMV, which he calls “a sacred site of shared suffering.”
He’s Irreverant
There are rumors that DeBo doesn’t shower — only bathes. By candlelight. With doom metal playing and some unidentifiable herbs steeping in the water. Just know if he disappears for three hours and re-emerges glowing, you’ve just witnessed the cleansing.
He Loves a Bath
Loud. Shiny. Will argue for fun, lose, and still declare moral victory. DeBo walks into a room like it owes him rent. He once described himself as “a campfire with great hair.” Honestly? Fair.
He’s a Leo
It’s infuriating, really. Debo doesn’t sweep people off their feet so much as yank them into his gravitational chaos. Conventionally hot? Debatable. But the triple‑threat combo of unearned confidence, unsettling eye contact, and inexplicably great hair turns sensible adults into bad‑decision machines. One survivor likened the experience to “dating a renaissance statue that lives in a basement and knows too much about Bad Religion.”
He’s a Stud
DeBo doesn’t drink whiskey — he curates grand narratives around it. Every sip is performed like a one‑man frontier opera, even if he’s just lurking at Thursday trivia. He seeks out bottles with labels that sound like haunted Appalachian folk tales (think Hollow Reaper or Broken Lantern Rye) and produces a personalized flask at events where flasks are explicitly discouraged. Legend says he can identify regional cask notes while insulting your playlist, all in the same breath.
He Loves Whiskey
Blackout Barry emerges after three bourbons and one emotional snowstorm. He’s brash, windburned, and speaks only in neon double entendres. He will offer unsolicited ski tips. He will say “shred or be dead.” He once showed up to a child’s birthday party in a vintage snowsuit and left with the cake. It’s unclear if DeBo remembers any of it — or if Barry is the true self.
He has an Alter Ego
He’s not subtle about it. Talks about “found families,” gives everyone nicknames, and once said "follow me, children, and I will show you the path of eternal adolescence." Entrance ritual involves watching a Youtube video of the Weedeater show where the lead singer throws up. “They’re my favorite band right now.”
He’s a Wannabe Cult Leader
This July, DeBo turns 45 — a number that feels less like an age and more like a final boss level. He’s not getting older, he’s just consolidating power. The hair is slightly grayer, the opinions are less negotiable, and the vibes? Potent. He refers to it as “Level 4.5: Chaos Ascendant.” We call it the perfect excuse to gather, roast him publicly, and witness the next evolution of a man who’s somehow always been both 27 and 83.
